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How to dress sexy [Without Slutty]


We’ve got the girly stuff you love—dresses that seem like you could have pulled them from your lingerie drawer, sequins, heels—and, as a special bonus, some surprisingly sultry new pieces.






A dress that shows off your curves

Seek out lingerie-y details like corseting, satin straps and a perfect, Cinderella-slipper fit.



Spaghetti straps
Skinny little spaghetti straps
On a sundress or a simple tank, they’re a flirty way to bare one of your best parts—those shoulders!


Halter shape

Anything with a halter shape

The thing we just said about showing off your shoulders? Ditto here.


Skinny pants high heels

Sleek, casual pants with some sky-high heels

The combo gives you that leggy look—even if you’re not a six-foot-tall model.


Dresses with cutouts

Cutouts that show your skin

Just-a-little-bit-naughty peekaboos are a big trend right now.


Low cut top

A top that’s cut low

Dare: Go low. Double dare: Don’t fidget. You have a no-fail date-night outfit!


Strapless dress

A modern strapless dress

This one’s got a dip in front and a not-bridesmaid-y, structured-shape bottom,
but anything that brings a smile to your face will do.


10 Things Women Do Better Than Men

We love men. But we kept coming across tons of studies proving women have some amazing abilities that men lack. So, we rounded up some of our favorites. Hello, ego boost!



1. We evolve hotter.

A recent study revealed that women are getting better looking through evolution; meanwhile, men are staying the same. After following more than 2,000 people through four decades of life, the study showed that attractive women had 16 percent more children than average-looking chicks and that beautiful people are 36 percent more likely to have a daughter as their firstborn. All those gorgeous daughters mean more beautiful women than in past generations.




2. We survive car accidents more often.

This is sad but true: Men are 77 percent more likely to die in a car accident than women, according to a study done by Carnegie Mellon University. Our boyfriends should be thanking us when we nag them to "Wear your seatbelt!"




3. We invest better.

A study of 100,000 portfolios showed that women's investment returns outperform men's, 18 percent to 11 percent. This could be because women are typically more cautious with their investment decisions and think longer term.




4. We're more recession-proof.

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 80 percent of those who have lost their jobs since December 2007 have been men. Ouch. This could be because male-dominated fields have been hit the hardest, like manufacturing and finance. That really sucks...but hey, maybe it's time more men became nurses and educators.




5. We're better at seeking comfort.

A Mind survey of 2,000 people revealed that women are far more likely than men to talk through their problems. Fifty-three percent of women talk to their friends about what's stressing them out, as opposed to 29 percent of men.




6. We graduate college more often.

We already know that female enrollment is higher than male, but the Department of Education's statistics reveal that men are also less likely than women to graduate and get their bachelor's degrees. Men are also more likely to take longer than five years to complete their degree.




7. We eat healthier.

A survey of more than 14,000 people, conducted by the University of Minnesota, showed that women choose far healthier foods than men. While men are more likely to chow down on frozen pizza and red meat, women are piling fruits and veggies onto their plates. It all sounds pretty obvious, but we get so much grief for our chocolate addictions that we just had to point this one out!




8. We have stronger immune systems.

No wonder men act like such babies when they have a sniffle — women really do have stronger immune systems than men! If there are little battles going on in our bodies, women have a secret weapon: estrogen. A study done by McGill University indicated that estrogen gives women an edge when it comes to fighting off infections. That's because estrogen confronts a certain enzyme that often hinders the body's first line of defense against bacteria and viruses.




9. We live longer.

Among the world's population of those who are over 100 years old, 85 percent are women, according to the New England Centenarian Study. In general, women continue to live five to 10 years longer than men as well.




10. We're better managers, especially in this economy.

This one is a little controversial, but a slew of experts are confident that women make greater bosses because they are better listeners, mentors, problem solvers, and multitaskers than their male counterparts. In a recent Daily News article, management expert Jay Forte said, "It's a very service-oriented economy [right now], so you need employees to be motivated. Women are better connectors than men and more astute about knowing how to activate passion in their employees."


8 Snacks to Eat for Weight Loss

A new survey of U.S. workers found that one in 10 women is noshing more during the day because of economic worries. But if you make the right choice, there's nothing wrong with snacking--in fact, it's important to keep your mind and body energized and your metabolism pumping, says dietitian Wendy Bazilian, R.D., coauthor of The SuperFoodsRx Diet. Women should have two to three 150-calorie snacks a day. The best choices have a mix of carbs for energy and protein and fiber (at least two grams) to keep you full, she says. Here, eight great low-calorie snacks that do just that.
 

Instant trail mix

Toss a one-ounce serving of dried fruit like cherries or raisins and a tablespoon of cashews, almonds or walnuts into a baggie in the morning and save it for a midmorning or late-afternoon snack. It's a perfect mix of carbohydrates, protein and fat--not to mention flavor, says Bazilian. Walnuts are also heart-healthy and full of nutritious omega-3 fatty acids.
Carrots hummus celery

Baby carrots and hummus

Crave salty chips or crackers? The carrot crunch and savory hummus can satisfy that need while delivering more energy and filling fiber--and way fewer calories--than chips.
Yogurt blueberries

Yogurt with berries

Blueberries are a fabulous fruit to have on hand for snacking, says Bazilian. "They are the ultimate 'poppable' since they require only a rinse to eat--no peeling or chopping necessary." And frozen ones will keep in your office fridge for weeks. Make a sweet parfait with a nonfat yogurt and 3/4 cup of berries.
Apple peanut butter

An apple with a tablespoon of peanut butter

This is the quintessential sweet, crunchy and creamy combo, says Bazilian: "It packs healthy nutrients and fiber, and the heavy peanut butter creates energy that lasts."
Edamame bowl

Edamame

Boil frozen edamame (soybean) pods like the ones you get at Japanese restaurants and bring 1/2 cup of them to work to eat cold. With a light sprinkle of salt, edamame is a fresh and easy snack, says Bazilian. And those empty pods might have a secret benefit. "The pods are like a trail of evidence, which research has shown can play a role in determining how we know when to stop eating and our feelings of satisfaction," she says.
Crackers cheese

Four whole-grain crackers and light string cheese

Cheese can be hard to quit eating once you get started. So choose individually packaged light string or sliced cheeses that equal about one ounce.
Granola bar cranberries

An energy bar like flavor & fiber or Fiber One

Energy bars are easy pick-me-ups, but choosing the right one can be tricky, says Bazilian. Her rules? Look for real ingredients like raisins or oats and aim for 120 to 150 calories and no more than 15 grams of sugar, 150 mg of sodium and 5 grams of fat.
Popcorn

Popcorn

If you skip all the greasy butter and opt for the low-fat variety, popcorn is the ideal thing to keep your stomach from rumbling while also not contributing to any expansion of your hips. You can eat four whole cups and manage to pack in healthy whole-grain carbs, fiber and even a little protein.
Ref: GLAMOUR MAGAZINE

A View on Buddhism: Zen Stories

A student confided in Suzuki Roshi that she had tremendous feelings of love for him, and that it confused her.
"Don't worry," he said. "You can let yourself have all the feelings you have for your teacher. That's good. I have enough discipline for both of us."

Teacups

A student asked Suzuki Roshi why the Japanese make their teacups so thin and delicate that they break easily. "It's not that they're too delicate," he answered, "but that you don't know how to handle them. You must adjust yourself to the environment, and not vice versa."

From: "To Shine One Corner of the World: Moments with Shunryu Suzuki: Stories of a Zen Teacher Told by His Students" (Edited by David Chadwick): http://cuke.com

Preparation

On a visit to the East Coast, Suzuki Roshi arrived at the meeting place of the Cambridge Buddhist Society to find everyone scrubbing down the interior in anticipation of his visit. They were surprised to see him, because he had written that he would arrive on the following day. He tied back the sleeves of his robe and insisted on joining the preparations "for the grand day of my arrival."
"To Shine One Corner of the World: Moments with Shunryu Suzuki: Stories of a Zen Teacher Told by His Students"

Letting go

Two monks were returning to the monastery in the evening. It had rained and there were puddles of water on the road sides. At one place a beautiful young woman was standing unable to walk accross because of a puddle of water. The elder of the two monks went up to a her lifted her in his alms and left her on the other side of the road, and continued his way to the monastery.
In the evening the younger monk came to the elder monk and said, "Sir, as monks, we cannot touch a woman ?"
The elder monk answered "yes, brother".
Then the younger monk asks again, " but then Sir, how is that you lifted that woman on the roadside ?"
The elder monk smiled at him and told him " I left her on the other side of the road, but you are still carrying her "

The Gates of Paradise

A soldier named Nobushige came to Hakuin and asked: "Is there really a paradise and a hell?"
"Who are you?" inquired Hakuin.
"I am a samurai", the warrior replied.
"You, a soldier!" sneered Hakuin, "What kind of ruler would have you as his guard? You look like a beggar".
Nobushige became so angry that he began to draw his sword.
Hakuin continued: "So you have a sword! Your weapon is probably to dull to cut off my head."
Nobushige drew his sword.
Hakuin remarked: "Here open the gates of hell!"
At these words the samurai, perceiving the master's discipline, put away his sword and bowed.
"Here open the gates of paradise", said Hakuin.
From 'Zen flesh, Zen bones'

Self-control

One day there was an earthquake that shook the entire Zen temple. Parts of it even collapsed. Many of the monks were terrified. When the earthquake stopped the teacher said, "Now you have had the opportunity to see how a Zen man behaves in a crisis situation. You may have noticed that I did not panic. I was quite aware of what was happening and what to do. I led you all to the kitchen, the strongest part of the temple. It was a good decision, because you see we have all survived without any injuries. However, despite my self-control and composure, I did feel a little bit tense - which you may have deduced from the fact that I drank a large glass of water, something I never do under ordinary circumstances."

One of the monks smiled, but didn't say anything.

"What are you laughing at?" asked the teacher.

"That wasn't water," the monk replied, "it was a large glass of soy sauce."

More self-control

During the civil wars in feudal Japan, an invading army would quickly sweep into a town and take control. In one particular village, everyone fled just before the army arrived - everyone except the Zen master.

Curious about this old fellow, the general went to the temple to see for himself what kind of man this master was. When he wasn't treated with the deference and submissiveness to which he was accustomed, the general burst into anger.
"You fool," he shouted as he reached for his sword, "don't you realize you are standing before a man who could run you through without blinking an eye!"

But despite the threat, the master seemed unmoved.
"And do you realize," the master replied calmly, "that you are standing before a man who can be run through without blinking an eye?"

Obedience

The master Bankei's talks were attended not only by Zen students but by persons of all ranks and sects. He never quoted sutras nor indulged in scholastic dissertations. Instead, his words were spoken directly from his heart to the hearts of his listeners.
His large audience angered a priest of the Nichiren sect because the adherents had left to hear about Zen. The self-centered Nichiren priest came to the temple, determined to have a debate with Bankei.

"Hey, Zen teacher!" he called out. "Wait a minute. Whoever respects you will obey what you say, but a man like myself does not respect you. Can you make me obey you?"
"Come up beside me and I will show you," said Bankei.
Proudly the priest pushed his way through the crowd to the teacher.
Bankei smiled. "Come over to my left side."
The priest obeyed.
"No," said Bankei, "we may talk better if you are on the right side. Step over here."
The priest proudly stepped over to the right.
"You see," observed Bankei, "you are obeying me and I think you are a very gentle person. Now sit down and listen."


Source: viewonbuddhism.org

How to Ruin a Love Relationship With Modern Technology

As a psychic advisor the majority of my calls are from people with problems in their love life. What I have observed that is ruining relationships is modern technology. Nowadays people use Text Messaging, Facebook, MySpace, and E-Mail as ways of communicating with someone that they are in a relationship with or trying to have a relationship with.

Let me explain to you that this is not real communication. The Dictionary defines communication as the following: The Act of Communicating; Transmission.
a. The exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing, (Texting is not writing) or behavior.
b. Interpersonal rapport.
c. The art and technique of using words effectively to impart information or ideas.

True communication is face to face or by telephone where you can hear the tone and pick up the vibration of what this person is feeling towards you. It's impossible to understand what someone is meaning if it's a joke or if it's something serious with a few simple text messages back and forth.

I have clients call me with frantic questions such as: I texted him/her twenty minutes ago and he/she hasn't responded back, what is he/she thinking about me, is he/she mad at me, what does this mean? Why doesn't he/ she respond? I tell them it's easy, call and find out or go and see him/her.

Relationships and marriages are falling apart faster than the economy. The main reason is people are not having proper communication. The art of communication is being lost because of the modern methods of communication or should I say lack of communication. I don't understand why someone cannot take a few minutes to pick up the phone and call and get a direct answer rather than agonize for hours before someone responds to their text or e-mail message. It doesn't make sense. Yet, every day as a psychic advisor I hear the same questions over and over from different people.

My advice is always the same if you want to ruin the relationship or potential relationship continue using Text Message. It's a sure fire way to end a new relationship or destroy a relationship that has been going for a few years.

When people go to business meetings, luncheons or dinners, many times they are Texting messages under the table. They are Texting when they drive their cars, when they're walking down the street, in a hospital, or even in a movie theater. This has gone way too far.

It's evident that our society is falling apart in so many different areas and communication is probably the biggest one. It's difficult to get people to read. I often send written advice to a client after our phone call and they will tell me they never read what I sent. When I ask why, they reply with, "Well I just don't have time." If you can find time to brush your teeth, have a meal, or watch television, you have time to read. "No matter how busy you may think you are, you must find time for reading, or surrender yourself to self-chosen ignorance." ~ Atwood H. Townsend ~

As long as you continue communicating in these methods you can be guaranteed that you will not have a successful relationship.

My advice is if you want to ruin a relationship Keep Texting!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Billie_Chainey


Change Begins With Choice




by Jim Rohn

Any day we wish; we can discipline ourselves to change it all. Any day we wish; we can open the book that will open our mind to new knowledge. Any day we wish; we can start a new activity. Any day we wish; we can start the process of life change. We can do it immediately, or next week, or next month, or next year.

We can also do nothing. We can pretend rather than perform. And if the idea of having to change ourselves makes us uncomfortable, we can remain as we are. We can choose rest over labor, entertainment over education, delusion over truth, and doubt over confidence. The choices are ours to make. But while we curse the effect, we continue to nourish the cause. As Shakespeare uniquely observed, "The fault is not in the stars, but in ourselves." We created our circumstances by our past choices. We have both the ability and the responsibility to make better choices beginning today. Those who are in search of the good life do not need more answers or more time to think things over to reach better conclusions. They need the truth. They need the whole truth. And they need nothing but the truth.

We cannot allow our errors in judgment, repeated every day, to lead us down the wrong path. We must keep coming back to those basics that make the biggest difference in how our life works out. And then we must make the very choices that will bring life, happiness and joy into our daily lives.

And if I may be so bold to offer my last piece of advice for someone seeking and needing to make changes in their life - If you don't like how things are, change it! You're not a tree. You have the ability to totally transform every area in your life - and it all begins with your very own power of choice.

To Your Success,
Jim Rohn


This article was submitted by Jim Rohn, America's Foremost Business Philosopher.
To subscribe to the Free Jim Rohn Weekly E-zine go to www.jimrohn.com
or send a blank email to subscribe @ jimrohn.com
Copyright © 2000 Jim Rohn International. All rights reserved worldwide

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Learning From Your Mistakes

Written by Brian Tracy

By: Brian Tracy

On the other hand, people with a benevolent or positive worldview see the world around them as filled with opportunities and possibilities. They believe that everything happens as part of a great process designed to make them successful and happy. They approach their lives, their work, and their relationships with optimism, cheerfulness, and a general attitude of positive expectations. They expect a lot and they are seldom disappointed. As a result, people with a benevolent worldview are able to deal constructively and effectively with mistakes and temporary setbacks. When you develop the skill of learning from your mistakes, you are the kind of person who welcomes obstacles and setbacks as opportunities to flex your mental muscles and move ahead. You look at problems as rungs on the ladder of success that you grab onto as you pull your way higher.

Two of the most common ways to handle mistakes are invariably fatal to high achievement. The first common but misguided way to handle a mistake is the failure to accept it when it occurs. According to statistics, 70 percent of all decisions we make will be wrong. That's an average. This means that some people will fail more than 70 percent of the time, and some people will fail less. It is hard to believe that most of the decisions we make could turn out to be wrong in some way. In fact, if this is the case, how can our society continue to function at all?

The fact is that our society, our families, our companies, and our relationships continue to survive and thrive because intelligent people tend to cut their losses and minimize their mistakes. It is only when people refuse to accept that they have made a bad choice or decision and prolong the consequences by sticking to that bad choice or decision that mistakes become extremely expensive and hurtful. In life, the quality of intellectual honesty is one of the most respected qualities possessed by individuals, especially leaders. When you are intellectually honest, you look at your world and deal with your circumstances as facts and realities, rather than hoping, wishing, and praying that they could be different. And the minute you begin to deal straightforwardly with life, you become a far more positive, creative, and constructive person. You become far more effective in overcoming your obstacles and achieving your goals. You became far more admired and respected by other people, and far more capable of achieving the critical results that are expected of you. On the other hand, the unwillingness to face the fact that you are not perfect, that you have made and will continue to make mistakes, is a major source of stress. One of the great teachings of history is the principle of non-resistance. Non-resistance means that when the wind blows, you bend like a willow tree rather than snap like a pine tree. You remain flexible, fluid, and open to new ideas, new information, and new inputs. You accept that, in a period of rapid change, nothing is written in stone.

The second common approach that people take with regard to their mistakes, one that hurts innumerable lives and careers, is the failure to use your mistakes to better yourself and to improve the quality of your mind and your thinking.

Learning from your mistakes is an essential skill that enables you to develop the resilience to be a master of change rather than a victim of change. The person who recognizes that they have made a mistake and changes direction the fastest is the one who will win in an age of increasing information, technology and competition. By remaining fast on your feet, you will be able to out-play and out-position your competition. You will become a creator of circumstances rather than a creature of circumstances.

Approach every mistake you make as a special learning experience, sent to teach you something valuable and necessary for your success in the future. Become an inverse paranoid, a person who is convinced that there is a vast conspiracy in the world to make you successful. Play with the idea that there are a series of guardian angels out there who are acting on your behalf. These angels are regularly planning learning experiences to enable you to grow as a person so that you can reach and achieve the great heights that are meant for you.

Whenever something happens of an adverse nature, immediately counteract your natural tendency toward disappointment and frustration by saying, That's good! Then, get busy looking into the situation to find out what is genuinely good about it. You must believe that difficulties come not to obstruct, but to instruct. If you look within any problem situation that you face, or any mistake that you have made, you will find that it contains the lessons and ideas that can be invaluable to you in the months and years ahead. In many cases, learning from mistakes with small costs and consequences will actually prepare you to avoid larger mistakes with huge costs and consequences.

Every day, all day long, you have problems in your work. In fact, if the problems did not exist, your job would not exist either. A powerful way to change your thinking is to realize that solving problems is what you are paid to do. Your job is to be a problem-solver, no matter what your title might be. All day long, you deal with problems and mistakes caused by you and others. The more of them you can spot and redirect before the consequences are felt, the more valuable you will become and the more you will be paid.

Whenever one of my children make a mistake of any kind, I stop them, get their attention, and ask, What have you learned? I have asked them this question since they were two or three years old. Now, whenever they make a mistake of any kind, they know I am going to ask the question so they are ready with the answer. I always tell my children that as long as they learn from a mistake, and establish a rule or guideline for future action, they are growing and becoming smarter as they move through life.

In both your personal and professional life, there are seven steps you can take to deal with almost any mistake you make. The first step is to approach the mistake with a positive, constructive frame of mind, using the techniques outlined above.

The second step is to define the mistake clearly. Exactly what happened? Write it down. Think on paper. The more clearly you can write about it, the more clearly you will understand the mistake and its possible corrections.

The third step is to examine all the known causes of the mistake. How did it happen? Why did it happen? What were the critical variables that triggered the mistake? Any attempt to pass over a mistake without identifying how it occurred in the first place will leave the roots of that mistake in the ground, to grow up again in the future. The fourth step is to identify all the possible ways of mitigating the mistake. What are all the different things that you could do to minimize the cost of the mistake, or to solve the problem that has arisen? The more ideas you have, the more likely it is that you will come up with the approach that will prove most effective.

The fifth step is for you to make a clear, unequivocal decision about how to handle the mistake. Decisiveness is a characteristic of high performing men and women. Almost any decision is better than no decision at all. Even the most effective leaders make mistakes, but then they quickly make decisions to offset those.

The sixth step is to assign specific responsibility for taking the steps necessary to mitigate the mistake within a certain time frame. Who exactly is going to do what, and when, and how, and to whom will they report? The failure to assign or accept responsibility to achieve results before a specific deadline will leave the situation open-ended, and it will often get worse as a result.

Finally, the seventh step in dealing with mistakes is to take action. Intense action orientation is a characteristic of the top two percent of the population.

The only guarantee in life is that most of the decisions you make and conclusions you come to will eventually prove wrong. How you deal with these situations is the chief determinant of your success or failure.

Mistakes and problems are good. Without them there would be no opportunities for greatness. When you take every challenge that life throws at you, accepting it as an inevitable part of the growing experience, you can turn it to your advantage in every way possible. Almost every mistake you make contains a hidden treasure that you can apply to your life to forge a future that is extraordinary and worthwhile.


About Brian Tracy


Brian Tracy is a leading authority on personal and business success. As Chairman and CEO of Brian Tracy International, he is the best-selling author of 17 books and over 300 audio and video learning programs. Copyright 2001 Brian Tracy International. All Rights Reserved. http://www.briantracy.com/

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Heart

Written by Chuck Gallozzi


Only from the heart can you touch the sky (Rumi)


All objects, however large or small, have an essence (nature) and act (do things). If objects did not act, there would be nothing to distinguish them from nonexistent objects. The essence of the sun, for instance, is that of a nuclear furnace and among its actions, it sends a stream of photons to the earth that nourishes plant life, which in turn produces oxygen and makes other forms of life possible. Magically, the photons not only help create life, but make it possible for life to see itself. That is, we can see thanks to the photons that strike our retinas.

It is by observing and experiencing nature that we come to understand the essence and actions of things. What is the essence of man? It is happiness. And happiness is existence aware of itself. What is the natural action of man? It is love. As infants, we are overflowing with happiness, taking delight in ourselves and the world. We express that happiness by embracing our inner and outer worlds with love. We radiate endless streams of love. Benjamin Disraeli agrees, for he wrote, "We are all born for love. It is the principle of existence, and its only end."

Since love is all we knew, it is all we expected. But something odd happened. Born to love; we learned to fear. We fear that our love will not be returned unless certain conditions are met. It is no longer okay to be ourselves, but we must become what others what us to be. For example, if I'm uncomfortable and cry at 4 am, I may upset mommy and daddy. If my room is untidy or I "pester" my parents with pleas to play, I may be met with cold reproaches instead of warm hugs or stern rebukes instead of gentle pats on the head. The music of laughter may fade into the noise of anger and silence. The world around me changes from one of beauty to one of fear. Each step I take places me in danger of upsetting someone.

Is it surprising that I grow stressful, fearful, and resentful and my love shuts down? I need to find my way back to my original purity. I need to recall the words of Lao Tzu, "The snow goose need not bathe to make itself white. Neither need you do anything but be yourself."

Once we mature, understand our true nature and what led to our problems, we can decide to change and open our hearts to love. It's simple. Go ahead and do what you want to do. That is, love the world. The only thing that stops you now is the fear of being hurt. But you cannot be hurt if you expect nothing in return. Life is unconditionally wonderful, so love it unconditionally.

Love your family, your job, your country, and everyone you meet without any strings attached. As Fedor Mikhailovich Dostoevski wrote, "Love all that has been created by God, both the whole and every grain of sand. Love every leaf and every ray of light. Love the beasts and the birds, love the plants, love every separate fragment. If you love each fragment, you will understand the mystery of the whole resting in God." The only Russian author greater than Dostoevski, Leo Tolstoy, wrote, "Love is life. All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love. Everything is, everything exists, only because I love. Everything is united by it alone. Love is God, and to die means that I, a particle of love, shall return to the general and eternal source." Buddha's simple message was, "Love the whole world as a mother loves her only child."

For centuries, mystics have sought to experience God by depriving their bodies of food, sleep, and comfort and by spending countless hours in contemplation or deep meditation. They were successful in their quests, but it isn't necessary to go to such extremes. For all one need do to experience God is to experience God's work, which is unconditional love. When we open our heart to love, we open our heart to God. When we experience unconditional love, we experience God.

What better way to begin the millennium than by accepting all those we met without conditions. We can allow them to be themselves. Every encounter, no matter how brief, is an opportunity to nurture, be nurtured, or both. When we love others unconditionally, we shower them with understanding, encouragement, and forgiveness whenever necessary. Some of those you love will return love. They will love you, not for what you are, but for what they are when they are in your presence. You will both experience love for the future good you bring out in each other.

Not everyone will return love, but doesn't the sun shine on the "bad" as well as the good? Aren't the least deserving in the greatest need? So go ahead and love anyway. Forgive, forget, and be blind to their errors, for as Rabbi J. Gordon said, "Love is not blind -- it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less." In other words, love will find a way while indifference will find an excuse. Also, as Emmet Fox wrote, "It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble, how hopeless the outlook, how muddled the tangle, how great the mistake. A sufficient realization of love will dissolve it all."

Marianne Williamson aptly summarizes what I've been trying to say, "Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us." Finally, I was struck by Victor Hugo's description of a young man in love, "I met in the street a very poor young man who was in love. His hat was old, his coat worn, his cloak was out at the elbows, the water passed through his shoes -- and the stars through his soul." Perhaps, if you and I join hands and greet the world with love, those behind us may see stars passing through our souls.

© Chuck Gallozzi
For more articles and contact information,
Visit http://www.personal-development.com/chuck

Making a Commitment

A good start isn’t good enough

We all have flashes of insight and bright ideas. But of the countless number of inspirational moments we’ve had and already acted upon, how many of them have we pursued to the end? How many of them have we realized? Ideas are seeds. Locked within them is great potential. Yet, what good are seeds unless we plough, harrow, and fertilize the soil, and follow that by planting, watering, and looking after the seeds until they bloom? Great ideas often lead to good starts and bright beginnings. But good starts are not good enough, for brilliant ideas are no better than poor ones, unless we follow through.

A good idea and follow-through is an explosive combination. It is the material that is used to transform lives and change the world. The detonator of this highly charged package is COMMITMENT. It is also called DETERMINATION. Commitment means NO MATTER WHAT! And determination is a refusal to allow obstacles to stop us. Here is how this idea was expressed by the man named “Coach of the Century” by ESPN, Vince Lombardi (1913 ~ 1970), “The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather in a lack of will.” Similarly, Victor Hugo (1802 ~ 1885) wrote, “People do not lack strength; they lack will.” In both cases, the word ‘will’ refers to commitment or determination.

Commitment is like an icebreaker going through an ice floe; it is unstoppable. The whole world steps aside when a committed person passes. Such is the power of deciding to follow through. Determination brings freedom and control. No longer buffeted by the winds of fate, committed people are guided by the power of their will. They understand that it is not faith or belief that moves mountains, but determination. “Determine that the thing can and shall be done,” said Abraham Lincoln (1809 ~ 1865), “and then we shall find the way.” The difference between the impossible and the possible, then, lies in commitment. Anything is possible for the determined because they reject the very notion of ‘trying’ and insist on doing.

Despite the jeers and skepticism of their friends, young people move to Hollywood with the dream of becoming a star. Even for those who are committed, however, not everyone will make it. You see, it is not ALWAYS true that “Where there is a will there is a way,” but one thing is certain: where there is no will, there is no way. So, I admire those who set out on grand adventures and wish them well. What is the harm in trying? When shooting for the stars, they may have overreached, and ‘merely’ land on the moon. But isn’t that a lot further than most of us venture? The problem we have is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that our aim is too low and we reach it. Yes, not ALL the dreams of committed individuals will come true, but rest assured neither will any of their nightmares come true.

When we commit ourselves to a cause, project, or relationship, we embark on an adventure, so how can we lose? A successful outcome is not predicated on the task as much as it is on our character. By remaining determined, we live by design, not by force of habit.

Let’s look at a few things that may prevent us from making a commitment and experiencing the joy we were meant to have.

1. Disappointment. A certain amount of negative feelings are inevitable, even necessary. But don’t repress them or get bogged down in them. Instead, experience them, work through them, and learn from them. For example, don’t allow disappointment to halt your progress. Disappointment is just a message or feedback telling you that things are not going according to plan. So, instead of quitting, find out what went wrong and what changes need to be made.

2. Lack of confidence or low self-esteem. Your experiences in early childhood may have caused you to lose confidence in yourself. If so, that is a FACT, not an EXCUSE. It’s time to let go of the past, acknowledge you are an adult, and accept responsibility for your own actions. Stop chasing after self-esteem because it is not a goal, but a result. It is something you win each time you reach a goal. So, stop refusing to act just because you may fail. Who cares if you fail? You don’t have to win every battle, you just have to win the war. And you do so by remaining determined and plodding ahead, no matter what.

3. Rebellion. Stop rebelling. Stop getting in your own way. Stop fighting yourself. Many of us are stuck in the ‘resistance syndrome.’ That is, when we were forced as children to yield to the will of an adult, we expressed our autonomy by rebelling. Each time you tell yourself you SHOULD be doing something, you remember the commands you received as a child and automatically resist. You need to change your self-talk. Rather than saying, “I SHOULD go to night school to complete my degree,” say “I WANT to go to night school to complete my degree BECAUSE I will be learning new things, making new friends, feeling great about my accomplishments, and improve my chances for future advancement.” Recapping, SHOULD’s create resistance while WANT’s dissolve resistance. Don’t forget to give power to your WANT’s by adding BECAUSE plus the reasons for your choice.

4. Here is another point for us to think about: follow the path of wisdom. Your life is too short to experience and learn everything by yourself. So, learn from the wisdom passed down to us. For example, consider the words of Marcus Tullius Cicero (c. 106 ~ 43 BC), “What one has, one ought to use: and whatever he does he should do with all his might.” Are you using what you have, your talents, and using them with all your might? To bring this point home, let’s add the comments of Orison Swett Marden (1850 ~ 1924), “The greatest trouble with most of us is that our demands upon ourselves are so feeble, the call upon the great within us so weak and intermittent that it makes no impression upon the creative energies; it lacks the force that transmutes desires into realities.” If we make only half-hearted efforts, why are we surprised by half-hearted results? If we're not ready to do our best, someone else is, so we’d better be prepared to be left behind.

“Nothing great will ever be achieved without great men,” said Charles De Gaulle (1890 ~ 1970), “and men are great only if they are determined to be so.” How about us? Are we determined to be great men and women? Are we DETERMINED? Are we COMMITTED?


© Chuck Gallozzi
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Visit http://www.personal-development.com/chuck

Thinking Freely and Clearly: Cicero

By Denise Breton and Christopher Largent, 1999

Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 BCE)—known as Cicero or Tully—was a Roman lawyer, philosopher, and statesman, educated in Rome. He became the best orator Rome had and one of the best translators and writers in Latin. Scholars still consider his works "high Latin." More than just an "ivory tower" intellectual, though, Cicero was also a courageous political activist. Risking his life, he exposed the conspiracy of Catiline to overthrow the republic.

An ardent republican, he refused to join the political alliance of Julius Caesar, Crassus, and Pompey, realizing that its success would mean the end of the republic. Even today, "Star Wars" episodes remind us of the difference between a republic (a state run on laws and principles) and an empire (run on the whims of rulers)—a difference first noted for us by Cicero.

Cicero wrote philosophy to help himself recover from the death of his beloved daughter and to endure the tyranny of Julius Caesar and Rome’s shift from a republican to an imperial nation (though he played no role in the assassination of Caesar). He eventually paid a terrible price for refusing to join one of the imperial factions: the ruling triumvirate of Octavian (later Augustus Caesar), Antony, and Lepidus had him executed.

The Good Life

Many people today use the phrase "the sword of Damocles" without knowing where it comes from. We didn’t until we found it in Cicero—and it relates to the inner life of tyrants. For those of us who are supposed to admire the wealthy and powerful, Cicero reminds us of the price they’re paying to play the power game. This account is from Cicero: On the Good Life, translated by Michael Grant, book V of "Discussions at Tusculum":

Dionysius himself [the king of Syracuse in the time of Plato] pronounced judgment on whether he was happy or not. He was talking to one of his flatterers, a man called Damocles, who praised the monarch’s wealth and power, the splendors of his regime, the immensity of his resources, and the magnificence of his palace. Never, Damocles declared, had there been a happier man than Dionysius the king.

"Very well, Damocles," replied the ruler, "since my life strikes you as so attractive, would you care to have a taste of it yourself and see what my way of living is really like?" Damocles agreed with pleasure.

So Dionysius had him installed on a golden couch covered with a superb woven coverlet embroidered with beautiful designs, and beside the couch was placed an array of sideboards loaded with gold and silver plate. . . There were perfumes and garlands and incense, and the tables were heaped up with a most elaborate feast. Damocles thought himself a truly fortunate person.

But in the middle of all this splendor, directly above the neck of the happy man, Dionysius arranged that a gleaming sword should be suspended from the ceiling, to which it was attached by a horsehair. And so Damocles had no eye for his lovely waiters or for the artistic plate. Indeed, he did not even feel like reaching out his hand towards the food. Presently the garlands, of their own accord, just slipped from his head. In the end he begged the tyrant to let him go, declaring that his desire to be happy had evaporated. (pp. 84-85)

On Clear and Free Thinking

As a philosopher, Cicero was one of the earliest to argue against dogmatism. He defined himself as a skeptic in the Platonic tradition. That is, contrary to the labeling he receives from scholars these days ("a Stoic"), Cicero conceives of himself as a follower of Plato. (The reason that scholars can’t handle this self-identification on Cicero’s part is that they keep trying to turn Plato into an absolutist.)

What this means is that Cicero feels free to search for higher meaning in life (Plato’s "ideas") while refusing to absolutize his values. Cicero wants guiding principles to live by while remaining open to learning. He doesn’t need certainty to feel secure in his intellectual adventures, and he wants the freedom from dogmatism to allow him to continue those adventures.

What’s refreshing about Cicero’s skepticism is that this openness used to be associated with mature thinking. These days, of course, the "mature" person is supposed to never change opinions. Those people who change their minds are looked down on as frivolous thinkers, having no intellectual ground to stand on. Meanwhile, the religious or scientific "experts" we meet in the media—or if we’re unlucky, in person—are absolutely convinced that they’re right and that everyone else should convert to their religious or scientific "truths." Cicero would have found these "experts" to be close-minded and immature.

The freedom Cicero found in his skepticism was the freedom not to be bound by circumstances, to find ways to rise above situations that would otherwise defeat human beings. He also wanted this freedom to help himself and others rise above the temptations that led the wealthy and the powerful to create the inhuman conditions that he saw developing in the empire.

These excerpts are from On Duties, which translator Michael Grant says, "has perhaps exercised more influence on the thought and standards of the western world than any other secular work ever written", which Cicero, a Platonist, wrote for his son, an Aristotelian:

Whereas the philosophical school I support [the Academy] maintains that nothing can be known for certain, here I am not only presenting views on all manner of subjects but actually trying to lay down rules indicating what our obligations are.

But I must ask our critics to understand our position. For in spite of our negative attitude towards the certainty of knowledge, we are far from being intellectual drifters who flounder about without any idea what we are looking for. To be without any sort of principles to base our discussions and our lives upon would totally rule out any intellectual life or indeed any life at all. . .

In fact, nothing prevents me from accepting what seems to be probable and rejecting what does not. Such an approach avoids the presumption of dogmatism and keeps clear of irrationality, which is the negation of all accurate thinking.

On the other hand, our people always argue against all categorical assertions. Their reason for so doing is that you can only get a clear view of what is probable by setting out, comparing, and weighing the arguments on both sides of every question. (p. 123)

Life and death, wealth and want, exercise an overwhelming effect on the entire human race. It is only when human beings become capable of displaying high-minded detachment and disregarding such outward circumstances, whether good or bad—when they get totally immersed in some noble, honorable purpose—that we cannot help admiring their splendid qualities.

The ability to rise above outward circumstances, then, wins special admiration, and that is why justice—which is the peculiar mark of a good person—is universally regarded as marvelous. And quite rightly. For if someone possesses this virtue, it means that he has freed himself from the fear of death, pain, exile, and poverty. In other words, he does not regard it as more important to achieve the reverses of these conditions than to behave like a decent person.

Above all, people admire someone who refuses to be influenced by money. To prove oneself in that particular direction is the equivalent of emerging triumphantly from a fiery ordeal. (p. 139)