By Renee Garfinkel, Ph.D.
Created Nov 8 2010 - 1:23pm
Are you frustrated with the dating scene? Would you like to be dating more? Or perhaps you're yearning for a long-term relationship that eludes you over and over again?
Your flirting style might be part of the problem.
Flirting is what happens at the very beginning of romantic relationships. It's the way people find, attract and communicate who they are and what they want. If you're not happy with your romantic life, perhaps there's a disconnect between the way you communicate - your flirting style - and what you really want.
It turns out that particular styles of flirting are associated with different dating and relationship outcomes. A study published in the October issue of Communication Quarterly surveyed more than 5,000 dating adults about the ways people communicate romantic interest. The authors, Jeffrey Hall and Steve Carter, identified five styles of flirting.
One style is the Traditional flirt. Traditional flirts think men should make the first move, and women should not pursue men. Because of their passive stance and beliefs, female Traditional flirts find it hard to meet men and attract their attention. Compared to men with other flirting styles, Traditional men tend to know someone for a longer time before asking them out. Both genders are likely to be introverted preferring quiet, intimate settings to large social scenes.
People with a Playful flirting style seem to enjoy the game, flirting for fun and self-esteem. This style is less likely to result in important or meaningful relationships.
The Physical flirting style communicates sexual interest, and is a quick way to develop a relationship with sexual chemistry and emotional connection.
In contrast to Physical flirting, Polite flirting features nonsexual communication and proper manners. People with this style of flirting take a slow approach, and don't find flirting flattering. They do tend to have meaningful relationships.
Finally, there's the Sincere style of flirting. Men and women both advocate this style, but women are more likely to use it. Sincere flirting expresses genuine interest and creates emotional connections. It's no surprise that people with this style of flirting tend to have relationships that involve strong emotional connection, and sexual chemistry, and which also tend to be meaningful.
Does your flirting style express who you are and what you're looking for?
Source URL: http://www.psychologytoday.com/node/50258
Forgiveness sets us free
Forgiveness is one of those things when given, does more for the giver than the intended receiver. I confess, it is a difficult concept to fully integrate in a sincere way, as it means moving beyond the ego's perceptions of feeling wronged, to a place of deep connection with another human being.
Most of us live in the ego's realm of being separate from each other therefore, raised to look out for ourselves. We develop an internal alarm that goes off whenever we feel threatened by external forces. Over time, we establish a very keen sensor to others' words and actions for indications of being attacked which kicks our defense mechanism into action. We then react according to whatever ego patterns have become our conditioned behavior matching the circumstances.
Most of the time we are reacting against perceived hurt targeting our ego-selves.
I once read a long time ago, "Spirit is beyond being hurt". I understood this means on the level of spirit, but such a notion seemed out of touch and illusive in the "real' world of human interactions. It took me a really long time to fully assimilate that our God-self only 'sees' another individual in his Divine state, exactly the way the Creator 'sees' us its creations - perfect. How then can our human intellect go beyond the seemingly physical, mental, emotional and psychological abuse caused by others?
Herein lays the crux of forgiveness. When we come to a place of deep spiritual insight, we realize that each of us, in varying degrees have accepted erroneous information into our belief system which we live out every day. At the core, the further away from believing that we are loving and lovable beings, the more likely we are to inflict hurt on others and ourselves. When we are able to 'see' the other as a spiritual being also living the experiences of learnt behavior, it becomes a bit easier to separate ourselves from the perceived hurt because essentially, it is really about the other person's lack of awareness of his own true nature.
If we actually get this, it creates a huge shift of consciousness in how we interact with each other. This knowledge is also the heart of compassion. If I am able to understand that you are behaving the way you are, because somewhere within you, are the scars of being hurt and acting from this place of fear and self-recrimination, then who am I to add anger to your already existing pain?
Instead, with my understanding, I offer my forgiveness and compassion. Acknowledging and sympathizing with this individual's conditioning supersede all notions of my personal ego feeling affronted. Then there are those horrifying life-changing events that many would say are unforgivable. I speak of murder, rape and so on. Obviously, I can only speak from my own experiences. Yes, I too have had to dig very deeply into my being to become conscious enough, to live this very principle I speak of. It is not an easy undertaking especially if the experience happened as a young child where the memories and the associated pain are intensely implanted into our psyche and sense of self however, if we ever want to be free, then it is an inevitable mission - to forgive, the accused.
On a more tangible level, remember our every thought and emotion is a wave of energy. "The Human Energy Field is a complex combination of overlapping energy patterns which define the unique spiritual, mental, emotional and physical makeup of an individual."
Holding on to anger, hurt, or other negative emotions associated with these kinds of experiences affect our physiology taking a toll on our bodies and well-being. In addition, the culmination of our energy vibrations transmits to the Universe which in turn, sends back matching vibrations becoming our physical reality. (We attract those things that we are in vibrational resonance with).
It becomes imperative to release these toxic emotions within us, as we are continually allowing them to dictate a certain aspect of the experiences coming into our lives. On one level, we are permitting the accused to continue 'hurting' us, over and over again.
The comic in me, sees this as some kind of ingenious Cosmic arrangement - "none can be free until he first frees his brother". How many times should I forgive him? Seventy times seven or as many times as it takes for such a crucial lesson to take hold. The nature of forgiveness is an intricate dance of inter-connection between humans where I elevate my own being by first, 'lifting up' he who I perceive has wronged me. Only in God's world, does this non-sense make perfect sense.
Forgiveness is one of those things when given, does more for the giver than the intended receiver. The nature of forgiveness is an intricate dance of inter-connection between humans where I elevate my own being by first, 'lifting up' he who I perceive has wronged me.
Some use words, others song & dance whilst others still... capture an essence of existence through the medium of art.. The Journey-in Artstore, perceives life through the eyes of Spirit.. seeing beyond our mental restrictions and utilizing conceptual themes to serve as reminders to bring awareness to our moment to moment living.. That which we seek, is within. Http://Journeyinart.imagekind.com Expand mind @: Http://www.Thejourney-inbookstore.com
Article Source: http://www.positivearticles.com. PositiveArticles.Com does not vouch for or necessarily endorse the contents of this article.
--
Related post:
Forgiveness Quotes
Experience Quotes
Most of us live in the ego's realm of being separate from each other therefore, raised to look out for ourselves. We develop an internal alarm that goes off whenever we feel threatened by external forces. Over time, we establish a very keen sensor to others' words and actions for indications of being attacked which kicks our defense mechanism into action. We then react according to whatever ego patterns have become our conditioned behavior matching the circumstances.
Most of the time we are reacting against perceived hurt targeting our ego-selves.
I once read a long time ago, "Spirit is beyond being hurt". I understood this means on the level of spirit, but such a notion seemed out of touch and illusive in the "real' world of human interactions. It took me a really long time to fully assimilate that our God-self only 'sees' another individual in his Divine state, exactly the way the Creator 'sees' us its creations - perfect. How then can our human intellect go beyond the seemingly physical, mental, emotional and psychological abuse caused by others?
Herein lays the crux of forgiveness. When we come to a place of deep spiritual insight, we realize that each of us, in varying degrees have accepted erroneous information into our belief system which we live out every day. At the core, the further away from believing that we are loving and lovable beings, the more likely we are to inflict hurt on others and ourselves. When we are able to 'see' the other as a spiritual being also living the experiences of learnt behavior, it becomes a bit easier to separate ourselves from the perceived hurt because essentially, it is really about the other person's lack of awareness of his own true nature.
If we actually get this, it creates a huge shift of consciousness in how we interact with each other. This knowledge is also the heart of compassion. If I am able to understand that you are behaving the way you are, because somewhere within you, are the scars of being hurt and acting from this place of fear and self-recrimination, then who am I to add anger to your already existing pain?
Instead, with my understanding, I offer my forgiveness and compassion. Acknowledging and sympathizing with this individual's conditioning supersede all notions of my personal ego feeling affronted. Then there are those horrifying life-changing events that many would say are unforgivable. I speak of murder, rape and so on. Obviously, I can only speak from my own experiences. Yes, I too have had to dig very deeply into my being to become conscious enough, to live this very principle I speak of. It is not an easy undertaking especially if the experience happened as a young child where the memories and the associated pain are intensely implanted into our psyche and sense of self however, if we ever want to be free, then it is an inevitable mission - to forgive, the accused.
On a more tangible level, remember our every thought and emotion is a wave of energy. "The Human Energy Field is a complex combination of overlapping energy patterns which define the unique spiritual, mental, emotional and physical makeup of an individual."
Holding on to anger, hurt, or other negative emotions associated with these kinds of experiences affect our physiology taking a toll on our bodies and well-being. In addition, the culmination of our energy vibrations transmits to the Universe which in turn, sends back matching vibrations becoming our physical reality. (We attract those things that we are in vibrational resonance with).
It becomes imperative to release these toxic emotions within us, as we are continually allowing them to dictate a certain aspect of the experiences coming into our lives. On one level, we are permitting the accused to continue 'hurting' us, over and over again.
The comic in me, sees this as some kind of ingenious Cosmic arrangement - "none can be free until he first frees his brother". How many times should I forgive him? Seventy times seven or as many times as it takes for such a crucial lesson to take hold. The nature of forgiveness is an intricate dance of inter-connection between humans where I elevate my own being by first, 'lifting up' he who I perceive has wronged me. Only in God's world, does this non-sense make perfect sense.
Forgiveness is one of those things when given, does more for the giver than the intended receiver. The nature of forgiveness is an intricate dance of inter-connection between humans where I elevate my own being by first, 'lifting up' he who I perceive has wronged me.
Some use words, others song & dance whilst others still... capture an essence of existence through the medium of art.. The Journey-in Artstore, perceives life through the eyes of Spirit.. seeing beyond our mental restrictions and utilizing conceptual themes to serve as reminders to bring awareness to our moment to moment living.. That which we seek, is within. Http://Journeyinart.imagekind.com Expand mind @: Http://www.Thejourney-inbookstore.com
Article Source: http://www.positivearticles.com. PositiveArticles.Com does not vouch for or necessarily endorse the contents of this article.
--
Related post:
Forgiveness Quotes
Experience Quotes
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